Buckle Up: Waymoed is Now a Verb!

Growing up, what was the coolest car you ever saw?

An E-Type Jaguar. It really looked like a lowercase "e." After school, Paul Bennett's beautiful mum picked him up from Oratia Primary School in their beautiful car to enjoy a beautiful evening.

Ever get a ride in it?

Nah, mate. I rode the homely school land waka home.

Last week, I got to ride in a different kind of e-type model: the Jaguar I-PACE. 

How was it?

To paraphrase greaser Danny Zuko's character in Grease, [singing] the power they're supplying—it's electrifying!

Sweet as. Sounds cool.

Crank up the AC, mate. It gets cooler. It's a crossover electric SUV used by Waymo One's autonomous ride-hailing service.

Pump the brakes there, bro. That's a lot of syllables to digest. Au-ton-o-mous ride-hail-ing ser-vice: a self-driving taxi!

Yeah.

Choice. And on what Blade Runner-type film set did this take place?

The same location as Philip K. Dick's science fiction novel that that movie is based on: San Francisco.

The City by the Bay.

Uh-huh. My wife and I were enjoying a three-day getaway weekend in SF. We didn't want to deal with a rental, parking, and driving around downtown, so we Waymoed here, Waymoed there; here a Waymo, there a Waymo, everywhere a Waymo.

And how exactly does one "hail" a car with no human driver?

I downloaded the Waymo One app, created an account (with payment method), and entered where I wanted to go. It whirred-purred up to our location like a large white Turkish Angora cat and picked us up.

You opened the doors, got in, then what?

Remember the game "trust fall", you played with ya mates when you were a kid. You cross your arms over your chest and fall backwards...praying that they catch you.

Yeah.

When Waymo One first took off, I had a similar feeling to when playing that game...I'm surrendering control...hope this works out!

Any trust issues?

Nah, mate. No speeding, no excessive speeding, it reminded me to put on my seatbelt, no hard acceleration, no harsh braking, no harsh cornering, harsh darn it—just a Tiki tour safely from point A to point B. The biggest challenge was choosing the ambient music for the vehicle's stereo system.

Were you ever a backseat driver?

In my head...yes...at first. But how do you give unwanted advice to an empty chair? There are no "ten" and "two" hand positions for a self-rotating steering wheel. On one trip, when I did ride shotgun, I yearned to touch, pat, bid farewell to the steering wheel with a simple gesture of reminiscence to a former driving role...

And?

Nah, mate. There's a sign on the interior of the steering wheel that reads, "Please keep your hands off the wheel."

Well, they did say, "please."

Exactly. And that request is written just above the leaping jaguar logo. The last thing I needed on a romantic weekend with my wife was a Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, jumping jaguar fight scene with a driverless car. I fully expected a Hal 9000 voice, with a British accent, to read off the message below the logo: "The Waymo Driver is in control at all times." 

So how does the Waymo Driver stay "in control"?

Sensors, software, radar, cameras, powerful AI; or as American sports personality Colin Cowherd likes to say on his show The Herd, "that new technology thingy." The dome on top of the Waymo One car—what an AI-generated Ralph Waldo Emerson might refer to as a "transparent eye-ball"—uses Lidar sensors to generate a 3D map of the vehicle's environment.

Over the course of the weekend getaway, how many Waymo rides did you and your wife take?

Eight. One of them also included our nephew. We wanted the college lad riding shotgun on one of the adventures of The Three Waymoteers! By the end of the weekend, a new day's morning dew of anxiety had melted away to a warm sense of safety. I felt more secure being driven around by a ghost driver than some of the piloting behaviour on display by a few human hoons whizzing around.

Any problems on any of the rides?

Our maiden voyage: Near the Embarcadero, the Waymo Driver failed to make a left turn on a signal arrow. We did the green-red-green-red-green-red waltz together.

What did you do?

Again—not a back-seat driver. With the push of a button, I contacted Support. Spoke to a real-life human, who connected me to a real-life technician who eventually got WD to make the turn.

Chur.

The good news: No folks, flora, or fauna were harmed in this slight aberration. Just a few ruffled feathers from the people drivers behind us. They telegraphed and channeled their feelings with a cacophonous series of horn honks.

They're only human.

Unlike WD. 

The AI genie is out of the bottle. 

And it's driving. As Bob Dylan grittily foreshadowed back in the '60s, "The Times They Are A-Changin'." 

Always a-changin'.

As WD wrapped up our trip, I mentally transported myself to another time—another life—an early twentieth-century big city—a passenger of a vehicle with mechanical horse power overtaking a horse-drawn buggy, witnessing and participating in an oncoming technological and social journey.

Did you leave a tip?

In the reverie?

No, to the Waymo Driver!

Of the black Jacaru hat, mate. Although that's a great idea: the chance to pay it forward for the next bloke and his missus. They could receive a reduced fare through, as Blanche DuBois opined in Tennessee Williams',  A Streetcar Named Desire, "the kindness of strangers."

Any advice to a potential rider?

Buckle up, relax, enjoy the ride. Waymoed is now a verb!

🥝🥝🥝🥝

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