Growing up, what was the coolest car you ever saw?
An E-Type Jaguar. It really looked like a lower case "e." After school, Paul Bennett's beautiful mum picked him up from Oratia Primary School in their beautiful car to enjoy a beautiful evening.
Ever get a ride in it?
Nah, mate. I rode the homely school land waka home.
Last week, I got to ride in a different kind of e-type model: the Jaguar I-PACE.
How was it?
To paraphrase greaser Danny Zuko's character in Grease, [singing] the power they're supplying--it's electrifying!
Sweet as. Sounds cool.
Crank up the AC, mate, it gets cooler. It's a crossover electric SUV used by Waymo One's autonomous ride-hailing service.
Pump the brakes there, bro. That's a lot of syllables to digest. Au-ton-o-mous ride-hail-ing ser-vice: a self-driving taxi!
Yeah.
Choice. And on what Blade Runner-type film set did this take place?
The same location as Phillip K. Dick's science fiction novel that that movie is based on: San Francisco.
The City by the Bay.
Un-huh. My wife and I were enjoying a long getaway weekend in SF. We didn't want to deal with a rental, parking, and driving around downtown, so we Waymoed here, Waymoed there; here a Waymo, there a Waymo, everywhere a Waymo.
And how exactly does one "hail" a car with no human driver?
I download the Waymo One app, created an account (with payment method), and entered where I wanted to go. It whirred-purred up to our location like a large white Turkish Angora cat, picked us up, and dropped us off at our destination.
Tell me you weren't a backseat driver?
In my head...yes...at first. But how do you give unwanted advice to an empty chair? There are no "ten" and "two" hands positions for a self-rotating steering wheel. On one trip, when I did ride shotgun, I yearned to touch, pat, bid farewell to the steering wheel with a simple gesture of reminiscence to a former driving role...
And?
Nah, mate. There's a sign on the interior of the steering wheel that reads, "Please keep your hands off the wheel."
Well, they did say, "please."
Exactly. And that request is written just above the leaping jaguar logo. The last thing I needed on a romantic weekend with my wife was a Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, jumping jaguar fight scene with a driverless car. I fully expected a Hal 9000 voice, with a British accent, to read off the message below the logo, "The Waymo Driver is in control at all times."
So how does the Waymo Driver stay "in control"?
Sensors, software, radar, camera, powerful AI; or as American sports personality Colin Cowherd likes to say on his show The Herd, "that technology thingy."
Any problems on the ride?
Near the Embarcadero, the Waymo Driver failed to make a left turn on a signal arrow. We did the green-red-green-red-green-red waltz together.
What did you do?
Again--not a back seat driver. With the push of a button, I contacted Support. Spoke to a real-life human, who connected me to a real-life technician who eventually got WD to make the turn.
Uh-huh.
The good news: no folks, flora, or fauna were harmed in this slight aberration. Just a few ruffled feathers from the people drivers behind us. They telegraphed and channeled their feelings with a cacophonous series of horn honks.
They're only human.
Unlike WD.
The AI genie is out of the bottle.
Always a-changin'.
As WD wrapped up our trip, I mentally transported myself to another time--another life--an early twentieth century big city--a passenger of a vehicle with mechanical horse power overtaking a horse-drawn buggie, witnessing and participating in an oncoming technological and social change.
Did you leave a tip?
In the reverie?
No, to the Waymo Driver!
Of the hat, mate; Of the Jacaru. Although that's great idea: the chance to pay it forward for the next bloke and his missus. They could receive a reduced fare through, as Blanche DuBois opined in Tennessee Williams's, A Streetcar Named Desire, "the kindness of strangers."
Any advice to a potential rider?
Buckle up, relax, enjoy the ride. Waymoed is now a verb!
🥝🥝🥝🥝
© 2025
