Quid Pro Bro!

Saturday, February 22, 2025

Buckle Up: Waymoed is Now a Verb!

Growing up, what was the coolest car you ever saw?

An E-Type Jaguar. It really looked like a lower case "e." After school, Paul Bennett's beautiful mum picked him up from Oratia Primary School in their beautiful car to enjoy a beautiful evening.

Ever get a ride in it?

Nah, mate. I rode the homely school land waka home.

Last week, I got to ride in a different kind of e-type model: the Jaguar I-PACE.

How was it?

To paraphrase greaser Danny Zuko's character in Grease, [singing] the power they're supplying--it's electrifying!

Sweet as. Sounds cool.

Crank up the AC, mate, it gets cooler. It's a crossover electric SUV used by Waymo One's autonomous ride-hailing service.

Pump the brakes there, bro. That's a lot of syllables to digest. Au-ton-o-mous ride-hail-ing ser-vice: a self-driving taxi!

Yeah.

Choice. And on what Blade Runner-type film set did this take place?

The same location as Phillip K. Dick's science fiction novel that that movie is based on: San Francisco.

The City by the Bay.

Un-huh. My wife and I were enjoying a long getaway weekend in SF. We didn't want to deal with a rental, parking, and driving around downtown, so we Waymoed here, Waymoed there; here a Waymo, there a Waymo, everywhere a Waymo.

And how exactly does one "hail" a car with no human driver?

I download the Waymo One app, created an account (with payment method), and entered where I wanted to go. It whirred-purred up to our location like a large white Turkish Angora cat, picked us up, and dropped us off at our destination.

Tell me you weren't a backseat driver?

In my head...yes...at first. But how do you give unwanted advice to an empty chair? There are no "ten" and "two" hands positions for a self-rotating steering wheel. On one trip, when I did ride shotgun, I yearned to touch, pat, bid farewell to the steering wheel with a simple gesture of reminiscence to a former driving role...

And?

Nah, mate. There's a sign on the interior of the steering wheel that reads, "Please keep your hands off the wheel."

Well, they did say, "please."

Exactly. And that request is written just above the leaping jaguar logo. The last thing I needed on a romantic weekend with my wife was a Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, jumping jaguar fight scene with a driverless car. I fully expected a Hal 9000 voice, with a British accent, to read off the message below the logo, "The Waymo Driver is in control at all times."

So how does the Waymo Driver stay "in control"?

Sensors, software, radar, camera, powerful AI; or as American sports personality Colin Cowherd likes to say on his show The Herd, "that technology thingy."

Any problems on the ride?

Near the Embarcadero, the Waymo Driver failed to make a left turn on a signal arrow. We did the green-red-green-red-green-red waltz together.

What did you do?

Again--not a back seat driver. With the push of a button, I contacted Support. Spoke to a real-life human, who connected me to a real-life technician who eventually got WD to make the turn.

Uh-huh.

The good news: no folks, flora, or fauna were harmed in this slight aberration. Just a few ruffled feathers from the people drivers behind us. They telegraphed and channeled their feelings with a cacophonous series of horn honks.

They're only human.

Unlike WD.

The AI genie is out of the bottle.

And it's driving. As Bob Dylan grittily foreshadowed back in the '60s, "The Times They Are A-Changin'."

Always a-changin'.

As WD wrapped up our trip, I mentally transported myself to another time--another life--an early twentieth century big city--a passenger of a vehicle with mechanical horse power overtaking a horse-drawn buggie, witnessing and participating in an oncoming technological and social change.

Did you leave a tip?

In the reverie?

No, to the Waymo Driver!

Of the hat, mate; Of the Jacaru. Although that's great idea: the chance to pay it forward for the next bloke and his missus. They could receive a reduced fare through, as Blanche DuBois opined in Tennessee Williams's, A Streetcar Named Desire, "the kindness of strangers."

Any advice to a potential rider?

Buckle up, relax, enjoy the ride. Waymoed is now a verb!

🥝🥝🥝🥝

Wednesday, January 1, 2025

A Kona Christmas

Christmas Dinner

Island Lava Java * Kona, Hawaii * December 25, 2024

We arrived!

We were in Kona. It was Christmas. Time for the family’s Kona Christmas!

A hearty “Aloha” to 75-5801 Ali‘i Dr Building 1, Kailua-Kona, HI 96740, the bustling oceanfront restaurant: Island Lava Java.

This dinner had been months in the planning, with matching “Kona Christmas” tee-shirts designed by Danielle Gro’ak. Our stomachs were rumbling, tumbling, ready to go tummy-to-toe with a menu of delicious Island offerings.

The two-vehicle commute from Hilo, across the Big Island, had only heightened our anticipation. And here we were. A Mele Kalikimaka crowd packed the downstairs dining area. The patio buzzed with small talk, drawl talk, big talk, tall talk.

Other patrons watched the NFL Christmas game on wall-mounted TVs; others sipped cool-looking cocktails; others skulled cold cold-ones; others stared out to the bay, soaking up the sun and the magic of the moment.

“Stephen G, party of twelve, your table is ready upstairs.”

There’s twelve of us? Nana Rae from New Zealand, Dani from St. Louis, the LA crew—Abu, Si Si, Sadie, Michael, Raewyn, Alex, G, Don Bran, Teresa, and me.

“Here.”

“Present.”

“Hungry!”

“Follow me.”

Like an All Black rugby scrum, we locked arms—"someone grab the grandmas’ walkers”—as we followed our hostess, pushing forward…step by step…to higher ground.

Once we were seated, two views competed for our attention: the stunning bay, with a moored cruise ship, and the menu.

The menu won out (briefly) when Tawney, our waitress, a lady with long eyelashes and a well-practiced aloha attitude, appeared and took our orders.

Pupus/Starters

Of course, a menu offering twenty-five choices starts with one bite, and for starters we nibbled—who am I kidding?—inhaled seafood chowder and honey-macadamia nut brie.

And we all know that “man shall not live by bread alone,” so for drinks we partook in pono mai tais, Kona-tini, wai nui mai tais, juice, mai lychee tais, Kona Big Waves (surf’s up), sparkling hibiscus, and water.

Christmas Entrees

The familial revelry, celebrating the most holy of days, was continued with a Super Smash Burger, Lemongrass Curry Mahi Mahi, Roasted Veggie Bowl, Island Lava Java Fresh Fish Tacos, LJ’s Steak and Frites, Roast Prime Rib (medium rare), Big Island Beet Salad, Shrimp Carbonara, and Ahi Poke Bowl.

Merry Desserts

Finally, on the Big Island you can have your cake/desserts and eat it too. And eat we did: Chocolate Cappuccino Cheesecake, Hawaiian Vanilla Crème Brûlée, Macadamia Nut Pie, and Pineapple-Mango-Lime Cheesecake.

No magic Kodak-iPhone moment can go unphotographed:

“Say, ‘Mele Kalikimaka.’”

“Mele Kalikimaka.”

CLICK.

🥝🥝🥝🥝

Monday, November 4, 2024

Do You Believe in Magic?

Do you believe in magic?

The song by The Lovin’ Spoonful—[singing]“Believe in the magic that can set you free”—I used to crank it up whenever it played on Radio Hauraki.

I do. With grace, goodwill, and a propitious text to a dear friend in the know, I arranged for a magician to perform for mi suegro, Don Miguel, who was gravely ill in the hospital. My father-in-law loves magic.

And who was “el mago”?

Brian Ochab.

Brian Ochab.

Brian Ochab.

We say his name three times—

And the magic happens. Don Miguel’s grandson Chris had wanted to take him to The Magic Castle in Hollywood, California, but his health was too poor. So, on a Sunday afternoon at three, The Magic Castle—Brian Ochab—came to Don Miguel’s sixth-floor hospital room at Kaiser Permanente Medical Center on Sunset Boulevard.

Brian Ochab is a world-class magician. Look him up…earned the title of International Magic Champion…first place award at the International Brotherhood of Magicians’ Gold Cups Competition…People’s Choice Award from the Society of American Magicians.

Sweet as. Mate, I’m all rabbit ears. What happened?

What happens in a magician’s den/hospital room stays there.

I will say that the first hint of Brian’s wizardry was how the spatial dimensions of the room transcended. The hospital room was big enough for two guests; however, when Brian Ochab got there, it was standing room only for the seventeen magic enthusiasts present: Don Miguel, his esposa, his hijo, two hijas, yerno, six nietos, bisnieto, hermano and his hija, her esposo and their hijo. And mum’s the word on el médico and the nurses poking their heads from behind the curtain.

And ironically the greatest magic Brian Ochab performed wasn’t a trick at all.

Huh?

For one hour, Brian Ochab took our individual base-laden grief at Don Miguel’s condition and transmuted it into a golden moment in time. We all got to share in Don Miguel’s delight at seeing a world-class magician perform his craft at the tip of our noses. We all got to celebrate in Don Miguel’s life together.

Now that’s magic.

Magic.

Sing it with me:

“Believe in the magic that can set you free.”

∞

Epilogue:

On Monday, October 28, 2024, at 10:30 p.m., with a divine sleight of hand, el Mago Divino made Don Miguel disappear in his hospital room right before his loving familia and me.

Saturday, August 24, 2024

Two Words: Reba Hilbert

Ubiquitous. Cool word, eh.

Yeah. I see it everywhere.

Funny. Very funny. You’re quite the Fred Dagg. First came across it in Dad’s Time magazine. Back then, I had a notebook for words I didn’t know where I’d write the meaning, part of speech, and the sentence in which it was used. “Ubiquitous” is one my KBHS Latin teacher, Mr. Staniland, would approve.

And now we have “Word of the Day” on the Internet. And for the word-nerds, grammar freaks amongst us—an editor sure is handy.

You have one?

I do.

Sweet as: quid pro bro!—you spin a yarn; I’m all ears.

Well, first to the business at hand: What I look for in an editor is someone who is competent, has a fast turnaround, and charges a fair rate for their time. There are thousands of people who meet those criteria—enough to fill a phone book (Remember those? She’s under “H.”).

So why Reba Hilbert?

Two words: Reba Hilbert.

Working with an editor is not only a professional transaction but also a relationship built on trust, respect, and honesty. That does sound like a bumper sticker for your shiny new EV, but for me one developed over many years and five books.

Birthing your literary sprogs can get messy and bloody, and Reba was my editorial midwife through my self-published works. But once cleaned up…such beauty, such beauty.

I distinctly remember that when I sent her the first draft of my children’s story, Christmas Yve, a Kiwi Elf’s Dream to join Santa, I was a nervous wreck. I cried. Like when I dropped off my eldest daughter Sadie on her first day of preschool.

Will she be okay? I hope they take good care of her. Will she be different?

And upon her return: “How was it?”

“Mrs. Hilbert taught us about misplaced modifiers.”

And working with Reba does honour the editor-writer privilege: You bare your soul; she makes it whole—grammatically, that is, in the safe working space. Why, you diehard grammar-nerds (I’m secretary of the club) could send Reba a first draft of a love letter to your beloved, and she could improve the grammar and leave the amorous intent sacrosanct.

Finally, Reba Hilbert has an excellent sense of humour. In an editor? Yes. The “e” and “h” words can coexist in the same sentence, eh.

Fancy that.

🥝🥝🥝🥝

Sunday, June 18, 2023

Seventeen Seconds

How long does it take to get from Avondale, Auckland, New Zealand, to Chula Vista, California, USA?

I don’t know…thirteen hours and change.

Forty-one years, five months, and twenty-one days.

What did you do—swim across the Pacific Ocean, with an extended holiday in Hawaii?

Correct that: Seventeen Seconds.

1981: Orchard Street, Avondale, Auckland, New Zealand.

Side One:

“A Reflection”

I am an angst-ridden introvert, where reflection becomes a never-ending prison of internal criticism and self-doubt. I am lying on the floor of a living room flat, eyes closed, with two speakers on either side of my head, music blaring, listening to Robert Smith and the lads.

"Play For Today"

To escape the loneliness and emptiness I feel inside. I know, I know, not the most productiveuse of my time. “I don’t really care.”

“Secrets”

I have them…personal secrets, mates' secrets, family secrets. God knows.

“In Your House”

Mark P.’s house/flat actually. He lets me sleep on his couch for five bucks a week in rent. Mate’s rates for this Kelston Boys’ High School student. Pretending, killing time, pretending.

“Three”

Well? I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know.

Side Two:

“The Final Sound”

Don’t let it be a scream. The sound blasting out of the speaker by my right ear seems…different…behind the sound a final sound…in the beginning, the middle, and the end…always....

“A Forest”

Where is that girl? I am lost in a forest of melancholy.

“M”

M. Mmmm. Mmmmmmmm. So good. Fading away in the song.

“At Night”

I open my eyes. Tense and relax the body as I reposition myself on the carpet. The sun that had hung in an Auckland sky is slowly dipping below the horizon, tracking a time and space shared with you, Robert Smith, Matthieu Hartley, Laurence Tolhurst, and Simon Gallup.

“Seventeen Seconds”

There’s a lot to experience in that time.

May 21, 2023, North Island Credit Union Amphitheatre, Chula Vista, California, USA.

The Cure Tour: Shows of a Lost World

Robert Smith and the band are on stage.

“A Forest”

Wait, wait, wait…I recognize “the girl.” It’s you, Robert Smith, and the music of this album calling me “again and again and again and again.” Back then you were a broke teenager’s aural therapy…

And now? I am not lost or alone. Not this time. I am at a Cure concert. There’s mi esposa, Teresa de Jesus—and over there mi sobrino Brian A. All around I see a forest of friends and fans packed within the amphitheater. My people. Singing in harmony, together, your lyrics.

May 21, 2023: Driving home after the concert, past and present selves conversing.

Cured?

No. Work in progress. I can, however, see the forest and the trees.

Me too.

🥝🥝🥝🥝

Additional Links:

https://www.thecure.com

https://www.amazon.com/Seventeen-Seconds-Vinyl-CURE/dp/B000V7J81E/ref=tmm_vnl_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

https://aucklandcentral.co.nz/suburbs/avondale/

https://www.chulavistaca.gov

https://www.gohawaii.com

https://www.kbhs.school.nz

https://amphitheatrechulavista.com/index.php

https://www.setlist.fm/setlist/the-cure/2023/north-island-credit-union-amphitheatre-chula-vista-ca-4bb93bca.html

Sunday, June 4, 2023

Magnolia and Van Nuys

Magic mural on the wall, who’s the fairest one of all?

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs?

No.

Call me Dopey; I have no clue.

City of Angels.

Huh?

Indulge me in some context…

Ride a Metro, drive, bike, bus, e-scoot, skateboard, or even jaywalk around Los Angeles (and the surrounding cities) and you will come across a plethora of visual public expressions, from graffiti smeared across a 7-Eleven convenience store wall to commissioned works of art. The range reflects the diverse communities that inhabit this great metropolis.

At the corner of Magnolia and Van Nuys, adjacent to the ultimate German automotive eye candy—aka BMW of Sherman Oaks—I interviewed illustrator Danielle Gro'ak as she had just completed a commission to paint a City utility box.

How did this project come about?

As a Los Angeles native, I’ve always admired public art. When I moved to the Valley, I immediately noticed the painted utility boxes. I would take frequent walks in Sherman Oaks and admire all the designs. It’s amazing how much variation there is from block to block. I wanted to be part of this beautification initiative.

I sent a design to Let’s Paint Sherman Oaks. After some time, I heard back that my design was selected, and I was assigned a box. I was commissioned by the Sherman Oaks Chamber Foundation. Let’s Paint Sherman Oaks Website: https://www.letspaintshermanoaks.com/

What was your thesis/idea for submission?

My goal was to celebrate the critters of Sherman Oaks. I thought about plants, animals, and insects I’ve seen in the area and focused on each one’s personality. In the city, it can be easy to forget how much we share space with creatures. But all it takes is a bit of observation. Urban places bustle with wildlife.

During the process, what situations arose that surprised you or that you did not expect?

My utility box is at the busy intersection of Magnolia and Van Nuys. I was surprised by how many strangers shared their enthusiasm and appreciation. People who drove past honked and yelled, “you’re so talented” or “thank you.” Some even parked to shake my hand and take a closer look. A bunch of students who came off the bus stopped to watch me paint. This one gentleman even asked if he could help with the primer. I would talk frequently with people who live and work in the neighborhood. I felt like I was a part of something much bigger. Art brings people together.

Name an artist who inspires you.

I'm inspired by multi-disciplinary artist Mokshini, a New Zealander who is based in Brooklyn. Her illustrations are fueled by the everyday eccentric personalities of New York. I admire that she is not removed from her subject matter. She lives and breathes her city. She even occasionally hides pieces in the streets for pedestrians to stumble upon and take home.

Is public art a genre and does it go by other names within the artistic community?

I’d say, yes, it is a category. I’ve also heard it called community art or commissioned public art. Other visual artists who enliven city spaces are urban sketchers, street artists, on-site illustrators, reportage illustrators, painters, muralists, sculptors, graffiti artists, performance artists, photographers, chalk artists . . . the list goes on and on.

What is your process when painting a utility box, i.e., how did you decide what image went on which side of the structure?

When painting outside, the natural environment becomes part of the process. There was no shade where I was so heat was a big factor in when I’d decide to work and for how long. I found a natural rhythm of working for an hour, taking a break in the car, and working for another hour. When artmaking, I thrive on moments of spontaneity. When creating my design, I worked out which animals would go on the smaller versus bigger sides. Anything beyond that, I wanted to decide on-site. My sister, Raewyn, suggested that the dog should face the pedestrians walking dogs. We thought the hummingbird would give some peace to the noisiest side of the street and the mountain lion would energize people hustling in their cars. We thought the deer could be a surprise for people who walk past the box. Its colors also complemented the auto dealership in front.

Any messages to those driving past and viewing your work?

There's beauty all around. Some of it is quiet, and some of it is loud. All it takes is a closer look.

Any advice to those artists wishing to pursue this artistic journey?

Before I started this project, I reached out to artists in Sherman Oaks who had done it before. They were happy to share their experience. Know you’re a part of a larger artistic community, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

What value do you think public or street art brings to a community?

Art deepens our sense of place and connection to one another. When I drive past a utility box, the bright colors zap me out of my everyday routine. It brings out the personality and textures already in the city. Art strengthens joy, community, and dare I say, fun.

What is your next public art project?

Right now, I am drawn to reportage illustration. Reportage illustration is the act of drawing, observing, and recording on location. Artists call the viewer to a specific place at a specific moment in time. I am in my final year of an MFA in Illustration and Visual Culture program at Washington University in St. Louis, and I am interested in mapping out stories in various corners of the city.

As Danielle says, “There’s beauty all around.”

When you drive past the utility box on the corner of Magnolia and Van Nuys let the “personality and textures already in the city” speak to you:

Stop, says the red light,

Go, says the green.

Be careful, says the orange light

Winking in between.